Epic Movie…

Esi and I just finished watching Epic Movie, another film in the line of “I screamed when I thought of seeing your naked gun 6 and an inch” or whatever from the dynamic duo Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. Now, this one is basically a take on Willy Wonka and Narnia, and it is…well…to be honest, I have come to a point where I can’t even come up with words describing the pure…vile…well, as I said, I have no words.
One thing bothers me though. Somewhere, somewhen, a board of directors at Regency got the idea, most likely after sharing a seriously fat doobie, that THIS scribbled, stained napkin script should be turned into a movie. Even worse, they found “actors” to play in it! Albeit, most of the actors are either b-actors or famous prostitutes. Okey, Jennifer Coolidge is hot in a lot of her movies, but even she was struggling knee-deep in this pile of manure.
Carmen Electra is…well…Carmen Electra, nuff said, but Fred Willard! Fred, dearest, have you gotten so desperate on your old days that you sold your last shred of dignity for this??
And what the heck was up with the naked chick coming out of the closet? Even the word “gratuitous” have lost it’s value these days…

Thankfully, the credits included some moderately funny outtakes, each and every one of them funnier than the entire film all together. And that’s two hours of my life I desperately want back! At least a few of the Scary Movie and Spy Hard attempts have been funny…Epic Movie isn’t. Not even close. Not even the clichès worked, and just when you expected a tiny giggle to escape your mouth, clenching your fists waiting for that one funny touch that you SO can see coming…they fail to deliver. The buildup of clichè-white-chick repeating everything clichè-black-chick said, ended up in nothing…almost as if they halfway through the film forgot about it…

I have so much more to say about this movie, but I won’t dignify it by uttering another word. As far as I’m concerned, Epic Movie never existed. Blaeh!

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Tags: braqua, film review, movies

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